There’s so much about myself and my behavior that is illogical. There are things I do and say that defy reason and better judgement. Feelings and ideas flood my being that I do not rightly understand. This in mind I do not find myself to be in a position to make a judgement of others’ actions.
I can say that I have no faith in us— in myself. I don’t think we were made to suffer because I don’t think we were made at all, but I do think that unyielding complexity of the human psyche has spawned self-defeating behavioral attributes.
Again, I do not understand them, but I think we all would have been better off working instinctually. As it is, I sit in wonder of the decisions of myself and those around me. None of it seems to be making any sense.
We spend so much time ruining our own lives, and the lives of those around us with selfish, self-defeating actions. For what? To feed our egos? To build upon the social norms and milieu that has caged us in with sarcasms, deceptions, and lies.
The human heart and its attatched emotional significance is a farce. The path of least resistance would be that of quiet contentment with the discovery of compassion, caring, and deep connection if we were led by a very basic instinctual call to nurture ourselves and others. The creation of a family, and the thriving of young would be that much more simple without the piling on of social pressures from institution upon institution.
The tangled web is us and around us. It is everything, and it is destroying. I no longer wish to be with someone else, or to find someone else. I’ve told myself I’ll find someone who will show me meaning in all this pain and error that has been endured. I’m sure now that that person doesn’t exist. I’m sure now that the pain and error is its own reward.
The human heart and its attached emotional significance is a farce. The path of least resistance is the path of least interaction. I wish for nothing but to be alone.
